Your Client Knows DEAR MAN. They Still Can't Say It.Generate a Script for Their Actual Situation
The acronym is easy. Finding words for their boss, mother, partner is hard. Generic scripts feel fake. Personalized scripts work.
DEAR MAN: DBT Interpersonal Effectiveness
What Is DEAR MAN?
DEAR MAN is a DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) interpersonal effectiveness skill that provides a structured framework for making requests or saying no assertively while preserving relationships. Developed by Marsha Linehan as part of the DBT interpersonal effectiveness module, DEAR MAN is an acronym that breaks assertive communication into seven steps: Describe (state facts objectively), Express (share feelings with I-statements), Assert (ask for what you want or say no clearly), Reinforce (explain positive outcomes), Mindful (stay focused, do not get derailed), Appear confident (even if you do not feel it), Negotiate (be willing to give to get). Research from the Journal of Clinical Psychology shows DBT skills training significantly improves interpersonal effectiveness across populations.
"My client had been avoiding a conversation with her mother for three years. We generated a DEAR MAN script specific to her situation. She practiced it in session and had the conversation that weekend. First time she had ever set a boundary with her mom."
Beta tester
Private Practice
Beta tester rating
Generation time
No signup required
Data retention
Who This Tool is NOT For
We believe in being direct about fit. This tool works best for certain use cases:
- ✗Group practices needing shared worksheet libraries. We generate fresh scripts per-client. No central template repository.
- ✗Therapists who prefer static template collections. Reframe generates, it does not store. If you want 500 pre-made PDFs, Therapist Aid is better for you.
- ✗Clinicians who want AI to replace clinical judgment. You review everything. The AI drafts, you decide what fits your client.
- ✗Anyone uncomfortable with AI-assisted tools. If you are skeptical of AI in clinical work, we respect that. Try the 10 free worksheets to see if it fits your practice.
The Problem with Generic DEAR MAN Scripts
Knowing the acronym is not the same as using it. Generic worksheets teach the framework but leave clients to figure out their own words. That is where most people get stuck.
"Fill-in-the-blank paralysis"
Clients stare at "Describe: ___________" and freeze. They know WHAT to do but not HOW to say it for their specific boss, their specific mother, their specific partner.
"Textbook examples"
Template examples about "asking a roommate to do dishes" do not help when your client needs to confront their mother about boundaries or tell their manager they cannot work weekends.
"No objection handling"
Real conversations involve pushback. Generic scripts do not prepare clients for "But I thought we were close enough that you would not mind" or "You always say no to everything."
Generic vs Personalized DEAR MAN Scripts
A personalized script uses your client's exact situation, the real people in their life, and language that feels natural to them. The difference is confidence.
10 free worksheets. Export as PDF. No signup.
When to Use Free DEAR MAN Worksheets
DEAR MAN works whenever someone needs to make a request or say no. Here are the situations where personalized scripts make the biggest difference.
Asking for a Raise
Your client has been passed over for promotion twice. They know they deserve more but freeze up in conversations with their manager. A personalized DEAR MAN script gives them exact words to use.
Generate free worksheetSetting Boundaries with Family
Holiday visits always end with your client feeling drained and resentful. Their parents push about grandchildren, career choices, or lifestyle. They need language that is firm but preserves the relationship.
Generate free worksheetConfronting a Friend
A close friend borrowed money six months ago and has not mentioned it since. Your client values the friendship but feels increasingly resentful. They need a way to address this without destroying the relationship.
Generate free worksheetDeclining Extra Work
Your client is the office "yes person" and their manager knows it. They are burning out but terrified of being seen as not a team player. They need professional language to protect their boundaries.
Generate free worksheetGenerate a Free Personalized DEAR MAN Script
From situation description to ready-to-practice script in under 60 seconds. Export as printable PDF.
Describe the Situation
Who is your client talking to? What do they want? What is the relationship? What have they tried before? The more detail, the better the script.
Select the Goals
Is this a request or a boundary? Should we emphasize GIVE (preserving the relationship) or FAST (maintaining self-respect) alongside DEAR MAN?
Generate and Export PDF
Get a complete script with their specific language. Includes likely objections from the other person and how to respond. Export as printable PDF.
10 free worksheets. Export as PDF. No signup required.
Frequently Asked Questions
Are the DEAR MAN worksheets really free?
Yes. You get 10 free worksheets without signup. Generate a personalized DEAR MAN script, export to PDF, and use with your client immediately. No credit card required.
What does DEAR MAN stand for?
Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce (what to say) + Mindful, Appear confident, Negotiate (how to say it). It is a DBT interpersonal effectiveness skill created by Marsha Linehan for assertive communication.
When should I use DEAR MAN vs GIVE vs FAST?
DEAR MAN when getting your objective is the priority. GIVE when the relationship matters most. FAST when maintaining self-respect is key. Often all three are used together for balanced assertiveness.
How is a personalized DEAR MAN different from a template?
Personalized scripts use your client's actual situation, real people in their life, and language that feels natural to them. Templates require clients to translate generic examples to their specific context.
Can DEAR MAN be used at work?
Yes. It is excellent for workplace assertiveness: asking for raises, declining extra assignments, addressing conflicts with colleagues. The structure keeps communication professional while being direct.
Can I export DEAR MAN worksheets as PDF?
Yes. Every worksheet can be exported as a printable PDF. The PDF includes your practice branding and is formatted for professional use with clients.
What if the other person does not respond well?
That is what the MAN part is for. Stay Mindful (do not get derailed), Appear confident, and Negotiate. Personalized scripts also include likely objections and prepared responses.
Is client information stored when generating worksheets?
No. Reframe uses zero-retention architecture. Client descriptions are processed in memory and never stored on our servers. HIPAA-compliant by design, not just policy.
Related Therapeutic Tools
Complement free DEAR MAN worksheets with these related interpersonal effectiveness and communication tools.
I Statements
The foundation of assertive communication. Express feelings without blame using I feel/when/because structure.
Learn moreEmotion RegulationAnger Iceberg
Explore emotions beneath anger before having difficult conversations. Know what you really need.
Learn moreDBTWise Mind
Find balance between emotional and rational thinking. Make assertiveness decisions from a centered place.
Learn moreSee How We Compare
The Complete DEAR MAN Breakdown
Understanding each component helps create more effective scripts. Here is how each letter translates into actual language.
D - Describe
State the facts objectively without judgment, interpretation, or emotion. Stick to what a camera would record.
Example: "For the last three months, I have stayed late every Friday to finish reports while others left at 5."
E - Express
Share your feelings or opinions using I-statements. Own your emotions without blaming.
Example: "I feel frustrated and undervalued when my extra effort is not acknowledged."
A - Assert
Make a clear, specific request or say no directly. Do not hint, imply, or expect them to figure it out.
Example: "I am asking for a compensation review to discuss adjusting my salary to reflect my contributions."
R - Reinforce
Explain the positive consequences for them if they comply. What is in it for them?
Example: "If we can resolve this, I will be more motivated to continue going above and beyond for the team."
M - Mindful
Stay focused on your objective. Do not get distracted by attacks, past issues, or tangents.
Example: If they say "You always complain," respond with "I hear you, and I would like to focus on the raise request right now."
A - Appear Confident
Use confident body language and tone even if you do not feel confident. Eye contact, steady voice, upright posture.
Reminder: Practice in front of a mirror or with the therapist before the actual conversation.
N - Negotiate
Be willing to give to get. If your first request is refused, have alternative solutions ready.
Example: "If a raise is not possible now, would you be open to reviewing again in three months with specific metrics?"
DEAR MAN + GIVE + FAST: The Complete Picture
DEAR MAN focuses on getting what you want. But relationships and self-respect matter too. Use GIVE and FAST alongside DEAR MAN for balanced assertiveness.
GIVE (Maintain the Relationship)
- Gentle - No attacks, threats, or judging
- Interested - Listen and appear interested in their perspective
- Validate - Acknowledge their feelings and point of view
- Easy manner - Use humor, smile, be light
FAST (Maintain Self-Respect)
- Fair - Be fair to yourself and the other person
- Apologies - No unnecessary apologizing
- Stick to values - Do not abandon your principles
- Truthful - Do not lie, act helpless, or exaggerate
Related Worksheets
Explore more personalized therapy worksheet generators
Your Client Knows the Acronym. They Need the Words.
Stop handing out fill-in-the-blank templates. Describe your client's situation, generate a script built around their actual relationship, and export as PDF.
Under 60 seconds. Zero data retention. 10 free worksheets, no signup.
Built by a Registered Psychotherapist | Zero Data Retention | HIPAA Compliant | Export as PDF